I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
