I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
