tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
