Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
