Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
