Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
