Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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