i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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