I accidentally had phone sex last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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