and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
