Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
