Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
