Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
