We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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