I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
