I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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