Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
