What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
