Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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