We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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