Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
