K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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