I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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