I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
