Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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