these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So vagazzling was a success
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
