he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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