No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
