how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
