U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
