pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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