thus making me awesome and them whores
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
