Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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