So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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