my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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