whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
