Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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