i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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