Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
