dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
