Quick, to the slutcave!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
