I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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