My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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