it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
