How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
