we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
