I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sober January is a disaster.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
