there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
