This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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