True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
