Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
